Bad Mary Sue Fic
by Elf Asato
Summary: [This probably won't be finished, which might be good for the fate of the world...] A Mary Sue plagues Meifu! Whatever will our dear Shinigami do?


**Title**: Bad Mary Sue Fic

**Author**: Elf Asato

**Warnings**: A Mary Sue!

**Timeline**: Few months after Kyoto Arc

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing except my Mary Sue…and even then I don't even own her name…!

**Summary**: A Mary Sue plagues Meifu…what will our Shinigami do?!

**Notes**: Yes I'm serious :D

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**Bad Mary Sue Fic**

_(a total redundancy)_

By Elf Asato

**The First Spasm**

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It had started out as an all right day.  Sure, the coffee that morning was a little cold, but really, considering Tatsumi had spent all night at the office with the chickens sorting out a bureaucratic mess involving a new Shinigami, it was forgivable.

A new Shinigami…  The very thought left Hisoka's mind a little uneasy.  After all, he _was_ the youngest and most inexperienced.  What would it feel like to have more experience than someone else?  Would the new worker be younger?  Older?  What would he or she be like?  He had tried to stretch his empathy out into the other room to feel the newcomer…but the bubbly emotions of his two beloved co-workers, Tsuzuki and Watari, negated the attempt.

It was near impossible to feel anything aside from their childlike curiosity and excitement.

With 003 fluttering over his shoulder, Watari paced around the staff room with Tsuzuki behind him.  The blond was clearly anxious to see who his new co-worker would be, while Tsuzuki merely copied him for entertainment.  According to the Gushoshin, Watari had always exhibited a great amount of curiosity for every new employee after him, including Hisoka.

Though curiosity, too, dominated Tsuzuki's emotions, the empath was able to pick up that he was vaguely concerned, but Hisoka couldn't figure out _why_.  When he had heard the news of another Shinigami's arrival, he thought that Tsuzuki would be ecstatic at the thought of a new person…

…So Hisoka was surprised.  And Hisoka was rarely surprised.

The door leading out into the hall opened with a subtle manner – Tatsumi.  Immediately Watari was in his face, bombarding him with questions of the newcomer.  Tatsumi, though, had apparently expected this like he apparently expected everything.

"Watari, sit down and relax.  You'll meet her soon enough," the secretary reassured as he put his hands on Watari's shoulders, gently guiding him out of the way.

Tsuzuki was the first to notice, though.  "Her?" he asked in curiosity, taking a seat beside Hisoka at the empty table.  Watari reluctantly followed suit.

Tatsumi cleared his throat.  "Yes, Tsuzuki, _her_.  She's part of the division now and…I hope she'll prove to be a valuable asset."

_Hisoka_ hadn't noticed his initial inflection, so he had to give his partner credit for good observation skills.  However, one thing that no one seemed to mention puzzled him…

"Tatsumi," the empath questioned, "why bring us here to meet this new girl?  Why _us_, I mean, and not the rest of the department?"

Perhaps it was simply Hisoka's imagination, but Tatsumi faltered.

Though sincerity was present in his clear, blue eyes, Hisoka could tell he was hiding something.  "Well Kurosaki-kun, after careful deliberation, we've concluded that her best use will be in…_your_ area…with Tsuzuki-san…"

"You mean…?" Tsuzuki asked as his eyes widened in a momentary panic.

Tatsumi nodded and confirmed, though he looked pained, "Yes, and Kurosaki-kun will be reassigned as Watari-san's partner…  Thus why you are here to meet her…"

Watari-san looked vaguely alarmed as Tsuzuki rose up as if to challenge this new decision, to passionately speak out against such an injustice…but the door squeaked as the chief came through.  He didn't close it all the way; rather, he still held it partly open.

Through the blurred glass Hisoka could make out a figure, but felt nothing.

"Everyone," Konoe spoke, capturing everyone's rapt attention, "I would like you to meet the newest employee to our division, Jupiter Black-Butterfly."  And with this he pushed the door wide open so all could catch a glimpse at the greenhorn.

Jupiter's blinked a few times as her pink, velvety eyes – much like a sugary sweet candy – took in the sight of her new co-workers.  They roamed around the room, stopping at the face of every Shinigami.  Once she had taken all this in, she licked her baby pink lips in anticipation, hoping that her favorite lip-gloss wouldn't be taken along with it.

"Hello," she said softly, but her voice brimmed with confidence as she wrapped a strand of her green hair streaked with black around her slender and pale finger; a single green hair rested on her impeccable sugar pink nails, clashing in a wonderful way.  Her glossy nails, while matching her sweet eyes and lips, also matched her outfit.

She wore a beautiful and rosy pink dress that ended just above her knees with a turtleneck that allowed for no cleavage.   It was a sleeveless dress, but so her bare shoulders would not be cold or exposed she wore a short jacket over her shoulders.  The color matched the dress perfectly and it also had white fringes along the edges, even along the jacket's three-quarter sleeve.  To accent her outfit, she wore gold French hook earrings that dangled with a small pink gemstone imbedded within the gold.  The fashionable, white sneakers she wore completed her look.

"Since I have my meeting with the great EnmaDaiOh, I trust you to run things smoothly, Tatsumi," Konoe explained as he briefly acknowledged the others in a short nod.  He reserved a special smile for Jupiter, though, as he left the room.

"Ah, Jupiter Black-Butterfly was transferred here from our partner division over in America," Tatsumi explained, looking into skeptical eyes as he took over the meeting.

He opened his mouth to further her introduction, but Jupiter interjected kindly, her voice lilting, "Miss Jupiter will do, Mr. Tatsumi."

"Yes," Tatsumi cleared his throat and continued on, "Miss Jupiter is in high demand and we were very lucky to acquire her.  We believe that her abilities will prove to be most useful…"

To Hisoka it sounded as if he wanted to say more, but dared not to…and it only could have been related to what had happened in Kyoto a few months back…  Something that was in the back of everyone's mind, but no one spoke a word.

However, _that_ was not foremost in his mind.  As much as he had been trying, he simply could _not_ get a reading from this new Shinigami.  It was like…like…

"Miss Jupiter, this is Kurosaki Hisoka," Tatsumi introduced, motioning to the boy.  "He's our empath in the department and since your arrival he will be working the Kinki district with –-"

With a grand motion of the arms, Jupiter's lovely pink eyes grew warm and open.  "Oh how wonderful it is to meet another empath!" she exclaimed, much to the surprise of everyone around her.

"Y-you're an…?" Hisoka stammered, a bit shocked at this bit of information.  And he wasn't the only one.

"Miss Jupiter, this wasn't on your list of abilities…!"

Jupiter simply gave a warm smile and explained, "Oh my dear Tatsumi, it's something I've struggled with every day since I was born…!  With the pain it's caused me, why should I be proud of such ability?  After all, it's not _fair_ for others since empathy is hardly a learned art…"

Unlike how he adjusted his glasses that had slipped to the edge of his nose, Tatsumi rarely adjusted to things like this well.  "Well, we'll just have to _add_ it, then…"

"But Tatsumi, my dear, it's a curse, not a gift, so --"

If the secretary heard her, he gave no indication as he continued on with his introduction, "Ah Miss Jupiter, this is Kurosaki-san's new partner, Watari Yutaka.  He's our resident mad scientist, mechanic, doctor…"

"A-a jack of all trades, actually," Watari said in an odd laugh as 003 hooted.  "Pleased to meet you, Miss Jupiter."

Although he was nearly overwhelmed by all this new information, Hisoka couldn't help but notice how the scientist had acted.  Before he had been utterly silent, only giving off the feeling of anxiety and curiosity…

Well, considering he would be his new partner, Hisoka figured he had a little time to figure it out.

"Oh what an adorable little owl!" Jupiter gushed as 003 flapped her wings and flew over to greet the new woman.  She squealed with delight as the owl landed in her hands, hooting softly.  "Oh, I absolutely _adore_ animals…!"

"Ha, yeah, 003 is always friendly…"

Jupiter suddenly looked at him with indignation.  "You'd call such a beautiful creature like her a number?  She deserves better – much better, Mr. Watari!  I know – I'll call her Cindy!!"

Any pretense of a smile from Watari was immediately dropped as he fell into an atypical silence.

Though definitely uncomfortable, Tatsumi decided to plod on.  "Ah, and Miss Jupiter, Tsuzuki Asato will be your new partner.  Even though he may seem a slacker, Tsuzuki-san is quite a capable worker, possessing _twelve_ Shikigami –-"

"Oh, I have _thirteen_!" Jupiter chirped happily, holding 003 in her hand as she interrupted Tatsumi for the nth time.

Silence panned throughout the room as near everyone choked on air.

This was going to be a _long_ afterlife…

**End Spasm One**

Originally I wanted this to be all in one shot, but I felt nice and decided to give it to you in bits and pieces, so you'd have time to get over your illnesses :)  Instead of chapters, these will be called spasms, because, I don't know about any of you, but when subjected to something truly atrocious (like The Little Mermaid 2!), I tend to go into spasms ^_~  (No really, never watch that movie.  I like, went into convulsions at the end :D)

The Mary Sue's name comes from an RP character that was a part of a Sailor Moon role playing group on Yahoo! that a friend and I used to post in.  Sailor Jupiter Black-Butterfly.  She was awful – hideous.

I love her!


End file.
